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Saturday Dec 14, 2002


James Bond saves the world from a loony North Korean in his latest film, 'Die Another Day'. Now and now he's being tormented by his latest foe for 'insulting the Korean nation'.

Now the dog loving nation of North Korea urges the US to stop showing the 20th James Bond flick. It's a 'dirty and cursed burlesque aimed to slander and insult the Korean nation', said the Secretariat of the Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of the Fatherland.

Clearly proving that North Koreans can in no way be though of as 'nutty'. But in any case, Bond doesn't insult ALL Koreans, only the commie or garden variety.

The MGM studio hit, starring Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry 'clearly proves' the United States is 'the root cause of all disasters and misfortune of the Korean nation' and is 'an empire of evil', said the committee, which deals with South Korean affairs.

This highly rational statement was reported by North Korea's official Korean Central News Agency. Official - as if there is actually an unofficial agency in the world's most paranoid and secret regime.

In his latest adventure, Bond takes a hovercraft through the heavily fortified frontier dividing North and South Korea. He is caught and tortured in North Korea before being released in a prisoner exchange.

Though to be fair, the movie has also irked South Koreans, who especially object to a scene where Bond has sex in a Buddhist temple.

The movie, which does not open in Seoul cinemas until year's end, also shows a farmer tilling his field with a cow, which Korean critics say makes the country appear backward. Cows being a well-known sign of backwardness. Just ask the farmers of Cornwall.

'The United States should stop at once the show', the North Korean statement said, because it describes 'the DPRK as part of an 'axis of evil', inciting inter-Korean confrontation, groundlessly despising and insulting the Korean nation and malignantly desecrating even religion'.

The DPRK is an acronym for North Korea's official name, the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.

Continuing its tirade against the United States, the statement continues... 'the headquarters that spreads abnormality, degeneration, violence and fin de siecle corrupt sex culture'.

"Anyone know the North Korean for bottoms up?"

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